From this title, you would probably think that this was a thought out decision, but it was anything but. I had finally fallen into a good little routine of posting twice a week, getting myself ahead by about a month so that I didn’t have to worry and all my posts were planned out and scheduled in advance. This was working so well, it meant that I was really enjoying blogging again as this eliminated the stress of trying to get posts ready for each Monday and Thursday. But as you have probably noticed, this past month, I lost hold of this routine.
Its no big secret that life for me has been up in the air at various altitudes for the past 2 years or so; though just as I thought things were on the up it got thrown about by a touch of turbulence again. Now this really shouldn’t of caused a issue, but after everything that has gone on I am still incredibly fragile to stress, turmoil and tension.
The relationship with my maternal family is still very sketchy to say the least, although we do appear to of finally broken the going 8 months of contact although after being knocked down as many times as I have since November 2016 its only normal to be cautious about any change. Whether that change be good or bad, anything that may rock the boat is a scary concept, as it has taken me until now to find a balance of situations that feels comfortable enough for me to function and work through.
I thought I had found this with the amazing support of my Nan, Dad and partner; working on the blog and my degree in my free time to keep my brain focused, with my books as an escape. This combination was allowing me to get on with life the best I could. I wasn’t half as anxious, depression was under control and was learning to manage my physical health conditions.
To be perfectly honest, I cant pin point what it was to disturb the balance; it just went. Although I haven’t yet talked about it overly much, over the past 10 months or so, I have been suffering at varying levels with depression; this randomly started playing up again to the point where I was unable to focus and stick to my normal routines. Any motivation that I normally have to do much of anything went. I’ve fallen into one a horrible reading slump again, and although this is partially because of a book hangover, its partly because I just cant relax into a book the normal way I would; its the same or writing. Hence the break in routine for blog posts, and the shear lack of reviews lately.
To add to this my physical health has deteriorated again. Things I was putting down to my Fibromyalgia, and just getting on with, things like my hip and neck pain, now look like the are going to be being caused by a whole other issue. So I’m now in the process of having scans on my spine, to look for disc issues, that will bring with them a whole new list of symptoms, therapy and life effects.
Finally, I feel like I’m getting a grasp on life again; looking to the future with my partner, looking to rebuild my relationship with my paternal grandmother, and working on training my new canine companion (introduction to come at a later date). I’m hopeful again, I’m looking forward to things ahead, I’m not dreading each day that I wake up, life doesn’t seem like a daunting nightmare. So that’s why you probably will of noticed a change, but I’m confident that this is the turning point to me getting back on top of things.