Health

Thoughts on Covid19 as a disabled person…

I hope that everyone reading this is staying safe and well!

Now I know that everyone is probably getting a bit sick of hearing about this virus and all the disruption that it is causing, but I felt that I needed to say my piece about it all.

First of all I have been put into isolation for my own health and safety.  I have multiple conditions that make me immunocompromised as well as causing issues for my lungs and heart. Because of this I am at high risk, and have been medically advised that I am best off isolating.

Now I am by no means saying that this is easy, I’ve had to cancel plans with my family. Watch my partner go and pick things up from my family without being able to go see them myself. Its really tough when all you want is to go and see your parents, but all in all this is better. My parents may not be elderly, but they are still at risk of catching the virus; by keeping my distance and staying home, I am helping myself and my family, by reducing the risk of both catching and passing round the virus.

Plus being stuck at home can be what you make of it. You could sit around for hours on end, driving yourself crazy, getting unbelievably bored. Or you can use the time to catch up on that decorating project you’ve been meaning to do, you could catch up on that TV show you havent had time for, or like me you could catch up on all the reading you have been meaning to do. There is always something you can do to keep yourself entertained and just enjoy your extra time. Dont forget you can still chill in your garden, or take yourself for a walk. Its not about stay in doors but rather about staying away from people!

I cant help but feel like there is still some people that just aren’t taking this seriously. I know some people that are meant to be in isolation but are still going to work, people still having parties, or just generally just not following the isolation and social distancing rules. IT is really frustrating for someone who is abiding by it.

Generally I just have an over whelming feeling of fear about all of this, its a horrible, scary time, and like nothing I have ever experienced.

Im going to end this here as otherwise I think I am just going to get ranting on and on. I hope that you are all staying safe, at home with your family- I just pray that this all ends soon!schizo

Health · Lifestyle

Periods from Hell after Depo…

God, sometimes I hate being a women!

For a bit of background, I was put on the depo injection at 15 years old, after trying the pill for about three years beforehand. I found periods unbearable at a young age because of the combination of hormone symptoms and my disabilities.

I always found that my periods were rather severe. Bleeding would happen every other week, I would always become anaemic from blood loss, pass out and generally be debilitated from the pain of cramps. Hence why from a very young age after hitting puberty, my family and the doctors decided to try and stop my periods using birth control.

Now I have come off of all birth control in order to try and start a family with my partner. I was warned that it could be that my hormones would react the same as they used to or it could be better. There was also a chance due to how long I’ve been on the depo that my hormones may never return normally- but that’s a whole different story.

What I have found has happened for me is that they have come back just as I remember them.

So since Christmas I have been having periods every other week again, and wow have they been HEAVY! I haven’t passed out from them, however I do have another condition that causes me to black out so its hard to tell. But oh the PAIN!

I am having to take my morphine, constantly have a hot water bottle strapped to my stomach, and am still snapping at everyone!

Doctors will be called in the week I think as this is ridiculous.

So my question to any of you who have had the depo is did your cycles get better? 

Currently I have only ovulated once since December that I have caught on test, but my last cycle was 25 days which is at least a touch more normal. Just praying for this one to finish in the next few days and will then start the ovulation tests again.

What other posts would you like to see about my trying to conceive journey? I am hoping to document most of it, as I feel like it would both be interesting for you and exciting for me to write. Not to mention the help it may give to other people who are coming off the depo after a long time, as there really isn’t much useful information out there about it.

Health · Lifestyle

Slimming World Journey #2

While the title of this may be a touch misleading, stick with me and allow me to explain because I feel like it will make sense.

MY  NHS subscription for Slimming World ran out at the end of December, leaving me to think long and hard about whether or not to continue. Within the twelve weeks that I attended group, I managed to lose little over half a stone- now I know that it isn’t a great amount, however, with my health conditions its very hard for me to lose weight. So I was pretty happy with that weight lose personally!

When I came to think about it I felt that I could put the £4.95 a week to better use for my health than just spending it to continue on at group. So that’s the decision I made, I stopped attending group and have signed up at my local swimming pool and plan to start swimming once a week instead.

Now there is another reason why I decided to stop that I would just briefly like to talk about.

Although the consultant was absolutely wonderful and lovely, I really could not praise her enough, the rest of the group I found to be quite cold and isolating. I do believe that this was quite a lot to do with just bad luck of the group and time that I chose to go to, however it was still very off putting. It was mostly older women, and I would spend most groups sat on my own. If I tried to make conversation then it was very quickly shut down, and if I ever made any suggestions during the group itself then no one ever seemed to have a comment, unlike if others made suggestions. I just felt so unwelcome and alone during group, that it made me just not want to stay.

With all that being said, the plan itself really did seem to work for me. It was simple, and reasonably flexible which works for me who hates to be confined to rules.

So for that reason I have decided to continue on with the plan itself, just this time I will be doing it from home- meaning I need to buy a set of scales! I will be weighing myself once a week, and keeping a track of it. Honestly I feel that this is going to be a lot better for me, as no more awkward interaction, and it opens up the money to allow me to do some swimming.

What does that mean for my slimming world posts? Well I will be continuing them every now and again, a bit like I have been now. I am hoping to post some of the recipes I come across that I do myself, and hopefully do some recipe reviews from both the slimming world website as well as the pinch of nom books- that I now finally have! Of course, I will also update you with my progress from time to time.

Have you ever tried a weight club? What did you think of them? What weight loss methods work for you?

Health

Thoughts at the start of our Trying to Conceive journey….

Welcome to something completely different for this blog, or at least I say completely different as this is unlike anything I have ever gone through before. This is something me and my partner have decided we both want so badly, and we are trying to make it happen despite knowing the challenges we are going to come across. And that is why we are now trying for a child of our own.

Although we made this decision a while back, we haven’t been really doing anything about it as my contraception took 10 months to get out of my system enough for my cycles to restart. But this finally happened in December.

What has brought me to write this post is that I’ve actually been going through a bit of a rollercoaster of emotions since we’ve been trying to conceive. BY no means has my mind changed as to what I want, but the initial disappointment of an unsuccessful first month, along with the fear of change just plays on my mind sometimes.

100%, I am certain that I want a baby, as I know me and partner will be great parents together, and we are both absolutely ready for this.

But at night, I have a habit of over thinking. Now, I never sleep well- sleeping is just not my thing! So it is not unheard of for me to over think during that time, so its really not out of the ordinary, however its what I’ve been overthinking about lately that has changed.

I’ve had some very rough relationships in the past, and this is my first long term adult relationship. We have our home, our pets, and his adorable little girl. So I know we can take another child all of our own, we would actually love it more than anything in the world.

One of my biggest fears is to lose what we have, and at night I find myself over thinking that what if adding something new or someone new, ruins what we already have. I have no reason to really think this, we are solid as anything, and a child is something we both really want. But when you are tired and cant sleep, all sorts of things cross you mind.

But that is just the fear of change, and I know that.

The other major thing is whether I will be able to be a mother. With this I mean both whether or not I am able to concieve and carry, as well as how will I be if we do have a little one.

I have always been told that medically it is not known whether or not I can carry a child. With my complex medical history, it is a serious possibility that I can not, but that still not something that I can even begin to imagine. We are under specialists currently so that I am being monitored, and I will under go further investigations if we continue to not be able to.

But a big fear of mine is what if I am a terrible mother. Now I know that most people probably go through this, but I cant say I ever really thought it until now! I cant help but think what if I cant deal with a baby and my already terrible ability to sleep. I’m sure I will write a whole post about my parenting fears when and if we ever get to preparing for a baby.

So now just briefly I want to mention the emotions of our first month of trying. My cycle came and went, and god did we baby dance to try. I tracked my ovulation so I know that that only slightly earlier than my Flo app suggested. Then at 8dpo (days past ovulation), I had some very light spotting, which we over excitedly thought was implantation bleeding. So when 12dpo came along we started testing, but sadly my cycle then reappeared.

Since then my cycle has been incredibly unreliable and has been every two weeks since then- so not sure whats happening there.

I would love to hear from you if you are also trying to conceive as I know how isolating this experience can feel. WE aren’t really telling people so this is my outlet.

What are your experiences? Did you struggle to conceive, or is it something that you are still going through?

 

Books · Health

Bed Rest 2.0 2020

I am sad to sat that this isn’t even a record, but from the third week of the year I am on bed rest.

Only difference with this bed rest experience is it has not got all that much to document! I have been in bed now (Saturday) since Monday, and this is the first time I have even felt like picking my laptop, or a book, or literally anything that wasn’t medication.

For the entirety of the past five days I have been working on the routine of sleeping for 3 hours and then awake for one. This has been a constant cycle, night and day for the last 5 days. Its only really been today where I managed to sleep 14 hours straight- bar waking after 9 hours for some more medication- which has allowed me to be awake for a while, and actually have some small amount of brain energy.

So, whats led to this bed rest? Its been a horrid virus, that has felt like a real combination of glandular fever and the flu. It has a 100% wiped me out, and left me too tired and drained to do anything but sleep! I’ve not eaten anything in this time, my partner has been getting me to eat juice lollies when I am awake in order to keep my sugars up, but that has been about it.

Today, I’m still very rough and stuffy, still using paracetamol and morphine to try and control my pain and swollen glands, and naproxen to try and control gland and tonsil swelling so that I can manage small amounts of food. Although this is just a virus, its playing up my chronic illnesses and weakened immune system, something chronic!

Next, what have I been up to today? Well, I’ve still been feeling rather naff as I said, so I have been continuing my marathon re-watch of Chuck on Amazon Prime. If you have never watched this then you really do need to! It is an amazing (although somewhat old) spy comedy action tv series that has 5 series- making it the perfect binge watch programme! I watched it when I was younger but I couldn’t help myself what I found out it was on amazon prime.

As for reading I have been doing some today. I have read a couple of the short stories in Wonderland the Anthology- the perfect book kind of book to pick up when you aren’t feeling all that great as you can get through one of the little stories before you get tired and want to put it down to rest. I am absolutely loving this book as a whole, so keep an eye out for my review in the coming weeks.

Now for a final comment, not so much to do with my bed rest, but something that has made today a little brighter. I woke up to two lovely packages from Tor and Titan. From Tor, I received a copy of A Queen in Hiding by Sarah Kozloff, the first in a new fantasy series. This will definitely by jumping onto my TBR as I can not wait to read this one! I think this will be one to get me completely back into reading! Then from Titan, to satisfy any Thriller cravings, I have a copy of All the Best Lies by Joanna Schaffhausen. I’m not 100% if I’ve read her debut, it doesn’t jump out as a book I remember for some reason, but this one I am definitely looking forward to. I love a good thriller relating to family history!

On a positive note, I think it will be a few more days before Im back to strength to get out of bed, so at least this will give me time for reading and some more Chuck watching!

So that’s what my week on bed rest has been like this time around. How has your week been? Have you been effected by this awful virus that has been going around?

 

Books · Health · Lifestyle

2020 Goals and Resolutions

Long time no see…

So as I sit and write this it is the 3rd of January, and I’ve had a lot of thinking to do over the last couple of weeks. I had a serious think about whether or not I wanted to continue on with blogging.

I have been blogging now on and off for several years, and was building it up until about April last year when I moved out with my partner and had to start trying to balance a lot more in life. Many people do it, so I know it isn’t a big deal, but for one reason or another I found it really tough to get into a routine of having a busier schedule while also still trying to fit in reading and blogging.

Cant say that I’m at all proud for letting them both slip so much, but its just the reality of what happened.

That being said, I have been thinking about it a log, and have decided to really give it my best shot this year. We have so many really exciting plans that I would love to document on my blog, so I do want to continue on with it. Or at the very least really give it a shot!!

With all that in mind, I am setting myself a reasonable simple goal for blogging this year. I am not going to set myself any views goals, or any really stat goals; all I am going to set is that I’m going to aim to post at least once each week.

Now I know that that doesn’t seem like very much at all, as I know that at one I was posting three times each week, but while I’m struggling with the balance, that’s just not doable!

Of course with that being said, if I have the extra content over the one post a week, then I will be posting more. I just don’t want to stress myself by aiming higher, while currently I’ve not  been even managing once a month. So don’t worry, if I have an extra review, it WILL get posted.

That is about it for my blogging goals for this year, and that leaves me with only two and a bit more.

Firstly, it wouldn’t be a goals post without mentioning my goodreads goal. I completely failed on my goodreads goal this year, as I had committed to 50 books within the year, but only actually managed a total of 17 books. I am far from proud of that, and it definitely needs to be worked on.

That being said, my aim or the year is much smaller, but I may add to it if I get my act together. So my goal for 2020 is twenty books! I just feel that this is a good goal as it is reasonable compared to how I managed to read last year. Plus it has a nice irony of read 20 books within 2020- ah its a bit of fun!

My last and final goal for this upcoming year, is really one of two halves. The over all goal is that me and my partner are actively trying to conceive our first baby. I’m not going to go into too much detail about this now, as Im hoping as things progress that I will document more about it, but for the time being all Im going to say is this is presenting us with challenges. In other words, its not being as simple as do the deed and get pregnant. We are seeing doctors etc, and I will talk more about it in the future.

But the second half of this that I mentioned is that I need to lose weight in order to make this easier. One again though this isn’t always that easy with my health issues, and terrible habit of comfort eating, but its something I am working hard on. Just before Christmas I had managed to lose half a stone in little under 12 weeks- I know that isn’t great, but its something I’m proud of. Now I just need to brave the scales and go back since Christmas, which I will hopefully be doing next week!

That’s it for my goals of the new year, as I don’t want to overburden myself with things Im just not going to stick to.

Do you have any goals for the new year, or things you want to improve and work on? Let me know about them in the comments as I would love to know and support you!

Health · Lifestyle

Am I Back?…

Since I’ve moved in with my partner, I have lost sight of any and all organisation. Looking after my home, and building the future has take priority to the point that I think I lost myself a little. The blog was the first thing to go, but I think now I am ready to do all I can to get it back. Back to posting 3 times a week, every week, and giving myself some focus.schizo

Although in every possible way, this move is exactly what I wanted; I see the love of my life every single day, and we are moving forward to set up our own lives, but that doesn’t mean it hasn’t been stressful. Actually its been incredibly stressful, and I’ve been really struggling with it at times.

I am not one to deal well with pretty much any form of change. Consistency is most definitely my favourite thing, but I appreciate that change is necessary in order to move forward for the better. It is so frustrating the fact I know this, and yet change still scares the life out of me.

But lately not all the changes have been for the better. I have had a bunch of new health issues, some of which have changed my life forever, and that is a very hard thing to wrap your head around. I will talk more about these over the next few weeks, but finding out that your body is uncapable of something you’ve based your life goals around is a really tough thing to come to terms with. I will talk more about this in a post in the future.

So I am now on the path of seeking help for my mental health. More help than just medication- which is all the doctors seem to be able to offer me. But while I wait, I have realised that I need to be doing more to help myself; and that starts with me making time for the things that I get a sense of achievement from. Starting with getting the blog back to a consistency that I am happy with, and starting back at university.

Fingers crossed that I can get my head straight and organised from now on, as I feel that this will really help me in the long run of things. But I guess we will have to wait and see.