Health · Lifestyle

The stress of adulting!!

I still don’t really feel like I’m an adult. I now live with my partner, we have our own home, our fur babies, and have to do everything for ourselves now. Yet I still don’t feel like we (well at least myself) are competent adults. Everything still seems so hard and complicated and completely out of my abilities.schizo

This feeling of being overwhelmed is just making me really rather stressed. I hadn’t realised it until the other night when I was laying in bed (with Ash snoring as always) not able to sleep and then my brain went into overdrive.

The main pinpoint trigger for my stress lately has been because of trying to sort out our universal credit claim. Going into this move we thought that I would be able to carry over my disability benefits and just change the address, however we were only told otherwise about a month into having moved. Because of this we have gone almost two months with only having Ash’s wage (which isn’t great).

Although I can understand that they have to make applying an official process, what I don’t feel like they take into consideration is that the process is a lot to handle for those with mental health issues. Although we have been going through the process for about a month now, we are only just starting to get some idea as to how much we are going to be entitled to.  This has really been a stress to me as I have not known whether we are going to reasonably be able to afford to live alone.

I just briefly want to mention the  nightmare we have been having with citizens advice over these last two months. We have both grown up being told that when you are an adult, and you get into a situation where you don’t know what to do, you can go and get free and accurate advice from The Citizens Advice Bureau.

We did exactly this when we started to realise that we were going to have to make the switch to Universal Credit. After waiting for over an hour, we got to see the lady. We explained the situation, I took all of my benefit paper work and my medical certificates.

After we finished explaining she went of to talk to a colleague, as she ‘didn’t know about this’. She openly said that to us, and that wouldn’t of been a problem if she had come back with any advice from the colleague. But instead she came back and said go onto the citizen advice website and then follow the advice on there. So basically, she was useless. We had already looked online before we decided to go and talk to Citizens advice, so we had already done this.

In the end we had to just bite the bullet and apply for universal credit even though we were still unsure about whether this was the right thing to do. Its only been through doing the application and going through the interviews that we were advised by the assessment people that we should of gone a different way through the system and we then wouldn’t of had to jump through as many hoops. We also wouldn’t of had to go through two months without any support.

I guess what I’m saying is that there is no problem going to Citizens Advice for help when you get yourself stuck in life, however its not all its built up to be. They are only human, and often they don’t know the answers. I just wish they wouldn’t then point you to their website which you have most likely already looked at, as if you don’t have a brain cell and hadn’t already used your own common sense and had a google to try and work it out.

But anyway, that is it. I just felt like it needed to be said as that too often the benefits system causes way too much stress for those of us that already have mental health issues. In this time I have had to up both my anti-depressants and my anti-anxiety medication. I will be doing a bit of an off load post in the near future that will talk about the health issue impacts and some other things.

Books

My Mother’s Daughter by Ann O’Loughlin

On the face of it this isn’t really the sort of book I would normally go to, but while I’ve been on the search for something a bit different I felt like this was definitely the perfect way to go. Now I am certainly glad that I did, as this is one amazing emotional rollercoaster.

County Wicklow, Ireland. Margo has just lost her husband Conor and is grieving his passing, unsure how she and her daughter Elsa will survive without him. Then she receives a letter that turns everything she thought she knew on its head. Not only has she lost her husband, but now Margo fears she could lose her daughter as well.

Ohio, United States. Cassie has just split from her husband acrimoniously. Upset and alone she does not know how to move forward. Then her ex-husband demands a paternity test for their daughter Tilly and sorrow turns to anger as Cassie faces the frightening possibility of losing her daughter.44014721

Being mostly a fantasy and thriller reader, this is certainly more out of my comfort zone, but this year, I am trying my hardest to try and break out of that zone and try some different genres of fiction. When it comes to this book, I am certainly very glad that I did.

Very quickly I found myself connecting to the characters in this book, feeling their emotional dilemmas, and life struggles. I will admit, I definitely found myself more invested in Cassie’s chapters than in Margo’s, but to be fair I think this was less to do with Margo and more to do with Ida. Ida’s personality I found got on my nerves in places, and although I can understand her part in the story, I found her to generally be quite an unlikable character. Which I don’t think was the intention.

I believe this is probably the first book I have read within the Irish setting, and it was a beautiful setting. Ireland is a country I would love to visit, and the village description in My Mother’s Daughter absolutely strengthens that. For such a story of emotional growth and budding family relationships, this peaceful close setting was perfect; it allowed the surroundings to be tranquil so the main focus was completely on the character growth.

This book had me from laughing to tears in just a number of pages. There is a reason I called it a rollercoaster of a book, as truly it took you up and down to the highest and lowest of emotions.

This was an easy 4 out of 5 star read for me, and one that I highly recommend for anyone that is in need of a warm hug from the pages of a book- as that is exactly what this is. You will not be able to put it down, and I recommend you have a blanket to hide under, and a box of tissues ready for the ugly crying.

You can get your hands on a copy in just 2 days, so make sure you keep your eyes peeled and grab yourself a copy as soon as you can!

Books

Snakeskins by Tim Major – Blog Tour

After a bit of a blogging break, I have the great honour of returning to blogging with a guest post by another fabulous author, Tim Major. The tour is for his new release Snakeskins, an epic science fiction thriller.43185464

The Long Shadow of the Triffids

I can’t overstate how important John Wyndham’s novel The Day of the Triffids is to me. When I read it, perhaps around the age of ten, I swear I could feel a rearrangement of my brain patterns. It wasn’t just the content of the book that mattered; it was the timing, the sense of serendipity. I’d been a rabid Doctor Who fan for a couple of years, my love for the programme neatly coinciding with it being cancelled. Without access to the show itself, I was left with the Target novelisations of televised TV shows, which I adored, and which turned me from an avid reader into a full-on bibliophile. Perhaps concerned at my literary cul-de-sac, my parents passed me two additional books: H. G. Wells’ The War of the Worlds and John Wyndham’s The Day of the Triffids.

Wells’ novel is wonderful. It’s serious and pulpy and pretentious and daft all at the same time. Along with The Invisible Man and The Time Machine, Wells covered the bases of a huge range of what would become accepted SF territory.

But The Day of the Triffids is another matter entirely.

When I read it, the first shock was the shock. I was completed unnerved by the initial hospital scenes in which Bill Masen observes people blinded after witnessing the meteor shower of the previous night. A snapshot image of a blind patient standing in broad daylight, demanding that the curtains be opened, haunted me for months. I’d been prepared for an alien invasion, but the beginning of the book was, in fact, my first real introduction to adult horror fiction.

And though I’d expected alien invasion, it was more complicated than that. Far from a marauding army, the Triffids – huge, carnivorous plants – have arrived on Earth years before the novel begins and are safely contained. Our hero, Bill Masen, is already an expert on the subject. It’s only the effects of meteor shower, and the debilitation of the majority of the human population, that allows the Triffids to escape and thrive.

This was, and remains, a big deal to me. I guess I wouldn’t have spotted it at the time, but this idea of a latent threat, and a seismic event that happened some time ago, allowing the reader only to witness the aftermath, was intoxicating. More and more, my favourite SF would follow this same pattern: benign new phenomena gradually being perceived as a threat. (For example, soon after reading the Wyndham book, Russell T Davies’ Dark Season was televised on Children’s BBC – another touchstone to which I’m indebted today.)

There are other aspects of the book I find appealing. Brian Aldiss was referring explicitly to Wyndham’s books when he coined the term ‘cosy catastrophes’, but to me this seems hardly an insult. The vision of a post-apocalypse as largely safe, but with societal rules reset and simplified, was tremendously appealing to a child trying to figure out the workings of the world, and still appeals to me as an adult, whenever I find myself mired in chores or bureaucracy.

After I turned thirty, when I finally decided to stop talking of writing as an ambition and making it an active hobby, the influence of John Wyndham was there from the start. My first short story was about an unexplained blinding light – one that persisted indefinitely, so that people were forced to remain in their homes, blindfolded. I was happy to riff on The Day of the Triffids, and it turned out that in doing so I immediately diverged from it, finding my way towards my own specific concerns.

I’m still happy to acknowledge the debt. My novella, Blighters, follows the Triffids pattern precisely: giant alien slugs landed on Earth many years ago, docile and exuding calm that affects anybody in the vicinity, fought over for their strange properties.

My new novel, Snakeskins, isn’t about alien lifeforms. It’s about a group of British people who have the strange ability to rejuvenate every seven years, and in doing so they shed a Snakeskin, a precise clone of themselves. Complicating matters further, this Snakeskin is sentient, and may live for minutes, hours or days. The idea of sheddings and Snakeskins had been rolling around in my head for years – but when it came to devising a cause of this strange effect, I turned immediately to John Wyndham. So, the cause of the phenomenon was a meteor shower, affecting the population of a small village, and the effects have been passed down through the generations. And, like Wyndham, I placed this instigating event long before the novel – a century ago.

I’m already in John Wyndham’s debt to a huge degree, but I know I won’t stop riffing on his concepts any time soon. I’m busy finishing up with a novel about Midwich Cuckoos-esque creepy children – at least, that was the starting point, but as always the plot has diverged massively from its inspiration. The SF genre is built upon appropriation, building and expanding upon earlier ideas. I hope that John Wyndham would approve.

Books

April Wrap UP& May TBR ’19

I am very sad to say that I have had to go back to a blended wrap up and TBR because I have once again had a disappointing reading month in April. Admittedly, I was aware that this month wouldn’t be amazing for reading, as the main priority was always going to be organising my house move and making it my home. That is one thing, I definitely did achieve.

So over the course of April, I only read two short stories, both from a collection on my Kindle. ‘Candace’ and ‘Alicia’ by Michelle Miller are from a collection of short stories all about the power of women. I downloaded them for free on my Kindle, although I’m not sure if they are still on the deal, I really do recommend you checking them out. While I loved ‘Alicia’, ‘Candace’ just felt like it was lacking. I know they are short stories, but it just felt like it was still just a scene within a story. There are still six more short stories within the collection, so will hopefully get through them all in the next few months. 44009252

With April behind me, I am going to hit the ground running again in May. I have my comfy sofa back to be my main reading chair, and I’ve set up a cute little TBR shelf in my bedroom. Although I still have loads of books to bring over from my Dads, I have loads here that I can not wait to pick up.

I don’t want to try and push myself too much, so I think I am only going to pick out four books to try and get to this month. The first will definitely be my current read, ‘My Mother’s Daughter’ by Ann O’Loughlin; I will be reviewing this on the 14th of May, so keep your eyes open for that. This is a family saga based around the idea of babies being mixed up at birth, its currently a better read than I was expecting. 44014721

Another that I have already started on my Kindle is ‘Crazy Rich Asians’ by Kevin Kwan. This got a lot of hype not that long ago, and from what I have read of it already, I can completely see why. So far its a fun, easy, light hearted read, perfect for reading around doing this in the house. 18158562

Next is a book I have had on a few TBR’s now, and that is a reread of ‘Truthwitch’ by Susan Dennard. I read this a while back, and really want to continue on with the series, but first I need to refresh myself on what happened. I believe I read the audiobook before, so this time I am going to actually pick up the physical book.

Finally this leads us to the twitter poll. I am sorry that I forgot to ever actually put the poll up for April, so a couple of these books are carry overs. So this month you have the choice between; ‘Obsidio’ by Amie Kaufman and Jay Kristoff, ‘Library of Souls’ by Ransom Rigs, and ‘Ruin and Rising’ by Leigh Bardugo. Make sure to head to twitter to have your say.

What are you planning to read this month?

Books

The Cruel Prince by Holly Black

This is one of those books that has been followed by a whole trail of hype, and that always leaves me a touch on the nervous side. In my experience, books that are highly hyped turn out to be either books I love, or books I absolutely despise. This one though did spark my fancy, and I had the great honour of getting to buddy read it with the lovely Ellie over at Hatterell. So be sure to head over there to check out her blog, and her review for The Cruel Prince.26032825

Jude was seven years old when her parents were murdered and she and her two sisters were stolen away to live in the treacherous High Court of Faerie. Ten years later, Jude wants nothing more than to belong there, despite her mortality. But many of the fey despise humans. Especially Prince Cardan, the youngest and wickedest son of the High King.

To win a place at the Court, she must defy him–and face the consequences.

In doing so, she becomes embroiled in palace intrigues and deceptions, discovering her own capacity for bloodshed. But as civil war threatens to drown the Courts of Faerie in violence, Jude will need to risk her life in a dangerous alliance to save her sisters, and Faerie itself.

I adored Jude’s character growth in this novel, it is always so refreshing to see a young female character grow in strength and become independent and sure of herself. Although this is a common character arc for young adult books, normally they never get to the stage where they are more confident about what they want, than the man they think they want- this was a refreshing twist.

Having both the faerie world alongside the human world showed the distinction in culture; with the separate characters who prefer the way of life of one or the other. One downside though was that I really wanted to see more from Vivi’s relationship with Heather- a human girl. However, without saying too much, I really hope that this is taken advantage of in the following novels, as I feel that The Cruel Prince ended in an ideal scenario to explore this.

All in all, I rated this book a 4 out of 5 stars, but I feel the following books have the potential to be even better and hit the five star boundary.

Going into The Wicked King, I can not wait to see more of Jude and Prince Cardan, I want to see more friction, and complicated attraction.

Have you read The Cruel Prince? What did you think about it?

 

Lifestyle

Moving Update April ’19..

Well if I am quite honest, this is not so much an update, as a post to say WE DID IT!! After months of planning and organising, we have finally managed it.

There has been many hiccups and hurdles along the way, and definitely been moments when we thought it wouldn’t happen, but despite it all we got there. When you live off of only one income, and have half your household unable to work, trying to be independent really does produce its challenges.

We were on a very strict budget from the get go of house searching; yet we had very specific requirements. With Barney needing garden, and then my partners daughter needing a second bedroom; not to mention the need for there to not be stairs and just generally being mobility friendly, our search was not easy.

But we managed it, and found our perfect family home.

Officially we moved in at the start of April, and despite having a bit of stress getting finances sorted, we have not looked back. After only a week, it felt like it was our home; we have gotten into a nice routine, one where we share all the responsibilities and no one does anything more than the other.

We have been in for just over three weeks now, so there is definitely still an awful lot of unpacking and organising to do, but we are getting there together. Slowly I am learning all what is around in our new home; walking Barney regularly is meaning we are learning where there are nice looking pubs, and lovely park for little one, and even a church that do free child groups.

I have two clear favourite things from us now living together; walking Barney together when I feel up to it, and having dinner each night together as a family. It is the simple things that reminds me that this is everything I dreamed of. I am getting to live with the man I love, and its allowing us to start building our future together. We may not own a mansion, or have spare cash to throw around; but I don’t care, I know that we will have dinner together every night, and that we’ll wake up together every morning. I know that I can talk to him about anything at any time.

This is exactly what we wanted when we set out to move in together and I wouldn’t change a thing.

Once, everything is unpacked and organised, I will do a house tour. For now though, here’s Barney feeling right at home in our new house.

Books

The Devouring Gray by Christine Lynn Herman

Now if you’ve read my most anticipated book releases of 2019 you will know that this was a feature on that post, and I’ve had the great pleasure of getting to read it early and now share my thoughts. 36535913

After the death of her sister, seventeen-year-old Violet Saunders finds herself dragged to Four Paths, New York. Violet may be a newcomer, but she soon learns her mother isn’t: They belong to one of the revered founding families of the town, where stone bells hang above every doorway and danger lurks in the depths of the woods.

Justin Hawthorne’s bloodline has protected Four Paths for generations from the Gray—a lifeless dimension that imprisons a brutal monster. After Justin fails to inherit his family’s powers, his mother is determined to keep this humiliation a secret. But Justin can’t let go of the future he was promised and the town he swore to protect.

Ever since Harper Carlisle lost her hand to an accident that left her stranded in the Gray for days, she has vowed revenge on the person who abandoned her: Justin Hawthorne. There are ripples of dissent in Four Paths, and Harper seizes an opportunity to take down the Hawthornes and change her destiny-to what extent, even she doesn’t yet know.

The Gray is growing stronger every day, and its victims are piling up. When Violet accidentally unleashes the monster, all three must band together with the other Founders to unearth the dark truths behind their families’ abilities—before the Gray devours them all.

This book turned out to be a solid three out of five star read for me, which as you can probably guess was not as high as I had been expecting, however in many ways I still loved this novel.

I felt like this left me wanting to know so much more about Harper and the full extent of her power. Although it does finally get touched on, its just not enough in my eyes. I feel that so much more could be made the back story to many of the characters to be fair, but Harper was definitely the one the peaked my interest the most.

However that being said, this is the first in a series- although I don’t know how many books are going to be involved in the series- and this definitely sets the series up to be amazing. This book gives you a good understanding of the world setting, and a nice introduction to the characters. It touches on what they are up against, but it certainly does not give anything away.

I found this to be a very fast paced quick read, that I flew through in just a few days, and was constantly wanting to pick it back up. That is definitely the making of a good book.

So although The Devouring Gray was only a three star read to me, I am definitely anticipating the sequel to be a four or five star read. It just holds so much potential, that I feel its been left at a place where the next book should be able to just take off into the action.

This releases in April this year, so I highly recommend you get it pre-ordered!