Health

Thoughts at the start of our Trying to Conceive journey….

Welcome to something completely different for this blog, or at least I say completely different as this is unlike anything I have ever gone through before. This is something me and my partner have decided we both want so badly, and we are trying to make it happen despite knowing the challenges we are going to come across. And that is why we are now trying for a child of our own.

Although we made this decision a while back, we haven’t been really doing anything about it as my contraception took 10 months to get out of my system enough for my cycles to restart. But this finally happened in December.

What has brought me to write this post is that I’ve actually been going through a bit of a rollercoaster of emotions since we’ve been trying to conceive. BY no means has my mind changed as to what I want, but the initial disappointment of an unsuccessful first month, along with the fear of change just plays on my mind sometimes.

100%, I am certain that I want a baby, as I know me and partner will be great parents together, and we are both absolutely ready for this.

But at night, I have a habit of over thinking. Now, I never sleep well- sleeping is just not my thing! So it is not unheard of for me to over think during that time, so its really not out of the ordinary, however its what I’ve been overthinking about lately that has changed.

I’ve had some very rough relationships in the past, and this is my first long term adult relationship. We have our home, our pets, and his adorable little girl. So I know we can take another child all of our own, we would actually love it more than anything in the world.

One of my biggest fears is to lose what we have, and at night I find myself over thinking that what if adding something new or someone new, ruins what we already have. I have no reason to really think this, we are solid as anything, and a child is something we both really want. But when you are tired and cant sleep, all sorts of things cross you mind.

But that is just the fear of change, and I know that.

The other major thing is whether I will be able to be a mother. With this I mean both whether or not I am able to concieve and carry, as well as how will I be if we do have a little one.

I have always been told that medically it is not known whether or not I can carry a child. With my complex medical history, it is a serious possibility that I can not, but that still not something that I can even begin to imagine. We are under specialists currently so that I am being monitored, and I will under go further investigations if we continue to not be able to.

But a big fear of mine is what if I am a terrible mother. Now I know that most people probably go through this, but I cant say I ever really thought it until now! I cant help but think what if I cant deal with a baby and my already terrible ability to sleep. I’m sure I will write a whole post about my parenting fears when and if we ever get to preparing for a baby.

So now just briefly I want to mention the emotions of our first month of trying. My cycle came and went, and god did we baby dance to try. I tracked my ovulation so I know that that only slightly earlier than my Flo app suggested. Then at 8dpo (days past ovulation), I had some very light spotting, which we over excitedly thought was implantation bleeding. So when 12dpo came along we started testing, but sadly my cycle then reappeared.

Since then my cycle has been incredibly unreliable and has been every two weeks since then- so not sure whats happening there.

I would love to hear from you if you are also trying to conceive as I know how isolating this experience can feel. WE aren’t really telling people so this is my outlet.

What are your experiences? Did you struggle to conceive, or is it something that you are still going through?

 

Books · Health

Bed Rest 2.0 2020

I am sad to sat that this isn’t even a record, but from the third week of the year I am on bed rest.

Only difference with this bed rest experience is it has not got all that much to document! I have been in bed now (Saturday) since Monday, and this is the first time I have even felt like picking my laptop, or a book, or literally anything that wasn’t medication.

For the entirety of the past five days I have been working on the routine of sleeping for 3 hours and then awake for one. This has been a constant cycle, night and day for the last 5 days. Its only really been today where I managed to sleep 14 hours straight- bar waking after 9 hours for some more medication- which has allowed me to be awake for a while, and actually have some small amount of brain energy.

So, whats led to this bed rest? Its been a horrid virus, that has felt like a real combination of glandular fever and the flu. It has a 100% wiped me out, and left me too tired and drained to do anything but sleep! I’ve not eaten anything in this time, my partner has been getting me to eat juice lollies when I am awake in order to keep my sugars up, but that has been about it.

Today, I’m still very rough and stuffy, still using paracetamol and morphine to try and control my pain and swollen glands, and naproxen to try and control gland and tonsil swelling so that I can manage small amounts of food. Although this is just a virus, its playing up my chronic illnesses and weakened immune system, something chronic!

Next, what have I been up to today? Well, I’ve still been feeling rather naff as I said, so I have been continuing my marathon re-watch of Chuck on Amazon Prime. If you have never watched this then you really do need to! It is an amazing (although somewhat old) spy comedy action tv series that has 5 series- making it the perfect binge watch programme! I watched it when I was younger but I couldn’t help myself what I found out it was on amazon prime.

As for reading I have been doing some today. I have read a couple of the short stories in Wonderland the Anthology- the perfect book kind of book to pick up when you aren’t feeling all that great as you can get through one of the little stories before you get tired and want to put it down to rest. I am absolutely loving this book as a whole, so keep an eye out for my review in the coming weeks.

Now for a final comment, not so much to do with my bed rest, but something that has made today a little brighter. I woke up to two lovely packages from Tor and Titan. From Tor, I received a copy of A Queen in Hiding by Sarah Kozloff, the first in a new fantasy series. This will definitely by jumping onto my TBR as I can not wait to read this one! I think this will be one to get me completely back into reading! Then from Titan, to satisfy any Thriller cravings, I have a copy of All the Best Lies by Joanna Schaffhausen. I’m not 100% if I’ve read her debut, it doesn’t jump out as a book I remember for some reason, but this one I am definitely looking forward to. I love a good thriller relating to family history!

On a positive note, I think it will be a few more days before Im back to strength to get out of bed, so at least this will give me time for reading and some more Chuck watching!

So that’s what my week on bed rest has been like this time around. How has your week been? Have you been effected by this awful virus that has been going around?

 

Books

January TBR ‘2020

These are one of my favourite blogs to write, and I will definitely be having this post up each month- hopefully be the first post for each month! Please let me know if you think I should combine it with what I had actually read the previous month.

My aim for the 2020 is read a minimum of 20 books! Now I know that is a super low target, ah its less than 2 books a month! But after the failure I had last year with moving out and helping care for my step daughter, I decided to set my sights low this year- as I have even more busy things planned.

That being said, I think how my TBR’s are going to work is I will pull out 3 books each month for that I plan to read- but not that I nessacarily plan to get through them all! This way it gives me options, plus its so hard to narrow it down to the correct number! Any books that I do not have hold of at the time of writing these TBRs wont be included, however that does not mean that I wont read them if they do arrive! Its just easier for me to determine my TBRs just from looking at my shelves for the time being! I will then tell you in the next month what I actually ended up reading- tell me how you like this done., Either in a separate post or as part of the TBR the following month?

Now with all my questions and explanations out of the way, I will get into the three books I have pulled out for this month.

The first is a book I started over the Christmas period when it first got sent to me. A fantasy sent to me by the lovely Tor, and one I definitely want to finish off at the soonest opportunity. Fate of the Fallen by Kel Kade- I am a just under 100 pages in currently, and its definitely one that got me hooked very quick!

Not all stories have happy endings.

Everyone loves Mathias. Naturally, when he discovers it’s his destiny to save the world, he dives in head first, pulling his best friend Aaslo along for the ride.

However, saving the world isn’t as easy, or exciting, as it sounds in the stories. The going gets rough and folks start to believe their best chance for survival is to surrender to the forces of evil, which isn’t how the prophecy goes. At all. As the list of allies grows thin, and the friends find themselves staring death in the face they must decide how to become the heroes they were destined to be or, failing that, how to survive.

Another which I have already started is my kindle book for the month, The Elite by Kiera Cass. This is the second book in the Selection series, and one that I just had to buy after I finished the first, I think Ive read the first chapter but that about it. It is proving to be an amazing series to reread.

Then finally is a short story collection,as I felt that this would be a good between appointments and just generally good for the busy month I have this January. Wonderland: An Anthology, is a collection of Alice in wonderland inspired short stories. Once again I have already read the first from this as well, and it certainly does not disappoint! This one is going to be staying in my handbag for me to take with me to my appointments and the like this month.

What are you reading this month? Are you doing any rereads, and what made you decide to reread them?

 

Books · Health · Lifestyle

2020 Goals and Resolutions

Long time no see…

So as I sit and write this it is the 3rd of January, and I’ve had a lot of thinking to do over the last couple of weeks. I had a serious think about whether or not I wanted to continue on with blogging.

I have been blogging now on and off for several years, and was building it up until about April last year when I moved out with my partner and had to start trying to balance a lot more in life. Many people do it, so I know it isn’t a big deal, but for one reason or another I found it really tough to get into a routine of having a busier schedule while also still trying to fit in reading and blogging.

Cant say that I’m at all proud for letting them both slip so much, but its just the reality of what happened.

That being said, I have been thinking about it a log, and have decided to really give it my best shot this year. We have so many really exciting plans that I would love to document on my blog, so I do want to continue on with it. Or at the very least really give it a shot!!

With all that in mind, I am setting myself a reasonable simple goal for blogging this year. I am not going to set myself any views goals, or any really stat goals; all I am going to set is that I’m going to aim to post at least once each week.

Now I know that that doesn’t seem like very much at all, as I know that at one I was posting three times each week, but while I’m struggling with the balance, that’s just not doable!

Of course with that being said, if I have the extra content over the one post a week, then I will be posting more. I just don’t want to stress myself by aiming higher, while currently I’ve not  been even managing once a month. So don’t worry, if I have an extra review, it WILL get posted.

That is about it for my blogging goals for this year, and that leaves me with only two and a bit more.

Firstly, it wouldn’t be a goals post without mentioning my goodreads goal. I completely failed on my goodreads goal this year, as I had committed to 50 books within the year, but only actually managed a total of 17 books. I am far from proud of that, and it definitely needs to be worked on.

That being said, my aim or the year is much smaller, but I may add to it if I get my act together. So my goal for 2020 is twenty books! I just feel that this is a good goal as it is reasonable compared to how I managed to read last year. Plus it has a nice irony of read 20 books within 2020- ah its a bit of fun!

My last and final goal for this upcoming year, is really one of two halves. The over all goal is that me and my partner are actively trying to conceive our first baby. I’m not going to go into too much detail about this now, as Im hoping as things progress that I will document more about it, but for the time being all Im going to say is this is presenting us with challenges. In other words, its not being as simple as do the deed and get pregnant. We are seeing doctors etc, and I will talk more about it in the future.

But the second half of this that I mentioned is that I need to lose weight in order to make this easier. One again though this isn’t always that easy with my health issues, and terrible habit of comfort eating, but its something I am working hard on. Just before Christmas I had managed to lose half a stone in little under 12 weeks- I know that isn’t great, but its something I’m proud of. Now I just need to brave the scales and go back since Christmas, which I will hopefully be doing next week!

That’s it for my goals of the new year, as I don’t want to overburden myself with things Im just not going to stick to.

Do you have any goals for the new year, or things you want to improve and work on? Let me know about them in the comments as I would love to know and support you!

Books

November TBR ’19

And here I am again doing a post 2 weeks later than it would of made sense to do it- as you can tell, I am far from organised in any element of my life at the moment! But I finally think I am finding a crutch to get me out of my reading slump; the kindle app on my phone…

So I am doing all I can to use this month to catch up on my GoodReads goal, and just my reading in general. And I feel like Im making a touch of progress so far. I have already read Meredith by Michelle Miller, a short story among a series I have been reading since summer.

My current read, and what I plan to finish next is The Selection by Kiera Cass. This is one of those books that I never thought I would actually read as I don’t think I have ever really heard any good things about it, but hay it was free. I downloaded it to read a bit of to trial it out, and turns out that so far it is pretty good, so hoping to fly through the rest of it over the next few days!

Next I am hoping to then read Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire by JK Rowling. This is the next book in my Harry Potter reread that has been going on for ages now, but hopefully now I have it downloaded onto my phone, this is more likely to be worked through quicker. Plus I’m hoping to get the illustrated edition for Christmas so would like to finish my reread of the books so I can then reread the illustrated one.

And then finally I have Crazy Rich Asians by Kevin Kwan- I had started this when I first moved out back in April, but made no progress with it really. Though I believe that this was more to do with the stress of moving, and trying to get my life organised than anything to actually do with the book. Plus I feel like this will be a nice little change from fantasy. Have you read this book and the series? What did you think?

To go alongside these three I also have the rest of the short stories in the collection that Meredith came from, so I am hoping to compete the series by the end of the year so that leaves five books for me to get through. Hopefully get through another two or three this month.

What are you reading this month?

Books

October Reads ’19

‘Remember, remember the fifth of November, Gunpowder, Treason and plot!’ – just in case you didn’t know what the date was!

October was definitely another of those months that I can say did not go to plan! I successfully finished two books, and tried another and ended up having to DNF (Did Not Finish).

The two books I read were two of the Harry Potter scripts that I mentioned in my TBR. The Cursed Child and Crimes of Grindelwald; and wow they were amazing! Im not going to lie, the script format was definitely not my favourite, and I prefer novels absolutely, but coming out of a major slump the scripts were perfect.

The cursed child did seem a bit odd at times, but ultimately it was truly amazing! I would love to have further books, ideally novels, to follow on from this in some way or another. Honestly I think I just miss the Harry Potter world, and the fantastic beasts books just don’t quite cut it for me. That being said though, Crimes of Grindelwald was as good as any of the other Harry Potter stories, and I plan on now watching the film! Is there going to be more scripts do you know?

‘The Girl the Sea Gave Back’ by Adrienne Young was a tough one for me. I know it is a companion novel, but I had been advised that I would be okay reading that one first. But I just could not get my head into it. I just found that I couldn’t get any understanding of what was going on, and additionally, I didn’t really care what was going on. I have not had this with a book for a very long time, and after about 75 pages, I ended up just having to call it a day with this and put it back in the pile of unread books.

I have no plans to try it again immediately, however I may try the other book in the series and if I enjoy that, I may give this another go.