Don’t be mistaken about Schizophrenia, it is not a dual personality disorder like many people think, though it does effect a persons personality in terms of the way they deal with and react to things. Here is some of the most weird and wonderful of my Schizophrenia..
I have always been a very chatty person- not necessarily loud, but always up for a good chat with anyone and everyone. Since my onset with schizophrenia this has not always been possible. Don’t get me wrong I still up for a good gossip, but now I have a tendency to go well and truly, completely MUTE! I can’t really explain it more than, imagine having a book slapped down on your vocal chords- its that shear inability to produce any sound. And there is no warning, I could be chatting away, and then BAAM no more words! It is a right pain…
A very common symptom of Schizophrenia is visual hallucinations, seeing people or monsters that aren’t really there. I’m lucky enough that medication has mostly stopped this for me, so I don’t have that terror- however they are not completely gone. Now I see random flashes of light and dark ‘shadows’, which can appear at any time, and anywhere. Most the time its no big deal, but at night it can be very confusing and I do end up laughing at myself spinning round trying to work out what I’m seeing.
Another quality I’ve kind of always had is that I’m easily scared, was always the easiest to make jump, and would be the one that jumped at the smallest things in films. Now it is even worse- I cant be tapped on the shoulder, called for across a room, or even handle someone knocking on the door half the time. Again I have to admit, at times when I’m in a good mood, I can stand back and laugh at myself after, but others it can be horrible. When I first started going out again after my initial episode, my mums client saw me and my Dad in a supermarket, knowing that I had been ill she came up to me to see if I was okay and how I was doing. She tapped me on the shoulder and I then swung my fist at her. We all stand back and laugh about it now, but at the time it was a big thing- my reaction was to fight and defend myself as it was threatening in my eyes. Luckily I no longer react like that, I’m not half as defensive, so I purely just jump… LUCKILY!!
This final one is something I really struggle to come to terms with, and has been the trigger to many an argument in my house over the past year. To some degree I assume that this is connected to the regressing that was mentioned in my last Schizophrenia post, but when it comes to know things, I need full and total closure. A classic example is when I’ve discussed going somewhere with my parents, and we’ve decided if we only will if something happens by a specific time. When it doesn’t, even though I know that it hasn’t, I still have to ask whether we’re going to go. Because in my mind I can’t put the two together. This is an odd thing, that is hard to describe, but I need to know exactly what is going on.
Well I hope you have enjoyed hearing about some of the weird and wonderful elements of Schizophrenia which I don’t think are quite as obvious as the main symptoms. I know that I was certainly not warned of any of these when I was diagnosed with it.