I talk about my mental health a lot on this blog, but I don’t always open up regularly about the really personal stuff. Pretty sure that this fear is something I have talked about before, but it is something that I’ve been struggling with again lately so felt that it would be best to talk about it again. A fear of silence is definitely a slightly odd thing, but for those with psychosis, it is definitely something that needs to be talking about. Every one has a fear of something, many more than one thing. From bugs, the dark, heights and crowds; fears can stretch to being about almost anything. But silence is one that I have not heard all that much about, but it certainly is something that I regular struggle with.
Having other voices in my head each and every day, along with various other psychotic noises, I can never enjoy the sensation of quiet peace. No matter the level the noise in the real world, my head will always have more going on within it; chatter, banging, screaming, there is always an array of sound going on within my imagination.
Noise in the outside world help me to dull out the noise within my head, it allows me to have another noise to focus on, even if it does not completely dull out the voices. It can stop the fear of what they are telling me even if I struggle to then focus on a conversation.
This leaves me constantly fearing being in a silent situation. In a silent room, I can not help but completely focus on the noise within my head. With my voices negative comments, fearful thoughts and constant screaming its not a nice noise to have focus on. For this reason, I always have some sort of noise going on.
So this is my ‘weirdest’ fear that is caused by my Schizophrenia. What is your weirdest fear?