Books

July WrapUp & August TBR

This is the first month of me combining these two posts, and I definitely chose a good time for it; I managed to read the grand total, of a whole zero books. Yes you heard that right, I didn’t manage to finish any books at all in the month of July. Admittedly it was a bit of a crazy month, what with moving, falling down the stairs, a holiday and my partners baby’s first birthday party. But I have high hopes for August, so lets get started.

So this month, I have a few things going on that will make less time for reading, but it should still be better than July. With my Dad’s birthday, partners daughter’s birthday, a wedding and another weekend away; I definitely will be a touch busy, but should still get plenty done. Plus have I mentioned that most of my books are still in storage from where we moved, which does limit my book choices.

In July I did manage to get half way through at least one book, and that was Ruin and Rising by Leigh Bardugo, not too sure why I didn’t manage to finish it to be fair, but I am confident I will finish it in early August. img_0755Ive also started The Light Between Us by Katie Khan. I absolutely adored her debut novel, full review here, and although only a chapter in I can tell that I’m going to love this one just as much.

With the upcoming release of Bright Ruin, I have decided to do a reread of both Gilded Cage and Tarnished City. I honestly cant remember much of anything but I do remember that I truly enjoyed these books. Hopefully by rereading, I should fly through these. Who knows, I may also pick up Bright Ruin by Vic James straight away. We’ll have to wait and see.

How I have not already flown through this next book I do not know! I have been waiting for this to come out for so long, longing to get my hands on a copy of it. And yet somehow with the move, I just haven’t gotten around to picking it up. But I am certain that I will be picking up Spinning Silver by Naomi Novik. A fairy tale retelling of Rumpelstiltskin I believe, I am adamant that this will live up to Novik’s previous novel, Uprooted.

Finally, I am hoping to get time to dive into Marc Elsberg’s second novel, Zero. To be honest, I know nothing about this, I only know that I adored Black Out, full review here. I have only heard good things, and if its anything like the previous book then I will be flying through it.

I am very excited to have a month of rereading and new release books, I just hope that I don’t turn out to of slipped into another reading slump!

What are your August reading plans?

Health

My Experience- Psych Reassessment

Its no secret that I have been under a psych team for over three and a half years now, but have had mental health issues for most of my life. From anxiety as a child, paranoia, and then the psychotic symptoms in my teens, depression in my 20s, its been a constant issue in my life, but one I have worked hard to control.

During my time under the psych team, Ive been labelled with the diagnosis of Schizophrenia. On this blog I have written about it many times, its a diagnosis that has always made sense to me to some degree. No it was never easy to accept, or to be completely open about, but it ticked the box for helping me understand what was happening to me.DSC_0041

However after such a long time in treatment I really should of been seeing an improvement, and I just never did. So at my last routine appointment they suggested that I saw a completely different doctor and had a full reassessment. This sounded like a great idea, as my symptoms have changed slightly over time as well.

So me and my Dad went to this reassessment at the beginning of July. The new doctor was really friendly, allowed my Dad into the appointment which is against the norm; however he did not understand my mutism. I nearly always go mute when I’m around new people, its something I have struggled with for most of my life. Some people say its because I’m shy, some see it as rude; but its actually an involuntary response to my voices that spike around unknown people.DSC_0010

Eventually I managed to get around it, when this happens I can answer basic questions or talk about subjects I know about, so it works for appointments. We spent a good hour discussing my life basically. From childhood, school, relationships, and family; we discussed it all.

By the end of the conversation and in turn the appointment, he was really rather stumped.

The conclusion was that I do not have one specific diagnosis, I have a combination of many. I have aspects of schizophrenia, aspects of OCD, aspect of EUPD, along with depression and severe anxiety.DSC_0051
Moving forward, I’m going to stay on my anxiety, depression and psychosis medication, but now I am going to try a mixture of CBT and psychotherapy. In my doctors words, I have very complicated and delicate mental health; ultimately I may never get over it, I may never work a ‘normal’ job, or be able to socialise with new people. But time will tell, and I will be sharing my thoughts when my therapy is moving forwards.

Have you ever had either of these treatments? I’d love to hear about your experiences.

Lifestyle

Getting a new fluff ball…

If you have me on twitter than you will probably of noticed that Ive had a new four legged friend around lately. Throughout much of December we were visiting dog shelters trying to find one who we felt we could help and could become a member of our family. We found that in my gorgeous boy Barney, who has quickly become my shadow and best friend.
Myself and my Dad have had dogs all our live, so shortly after losing my Star last December 6th, it felt very empty in our home. Therefore we thought it was time to look at rescuing another dog that was in need of a loving home.

We contacted several charities, Dogs Trust, Luna, and PPBC. As Star was deaf, we felt that we would like to rescue another dog that maybe needed some extra work again as I have the time to do it and the skills from working with previous dogs. To begin with we thought we were going to get a border collie cross from Dogs Trust, but on one of the final visits this all fell through (I’ll have a post up about that at a later date).

In the end I fell in love with my Barney from PPBC. He is again a border collie, but is very oddly marked, being a tricolour who is predominantly brown. But at 6years old, 7 on 23rd of July, he is an amazingly trained, calm and affectionate boy. He’s only issues are that he is very reactive so barks a lot at shadows or cars going past; as well as not liking other dogs. Im working with him on both of these.

Back in March when he arrived here, he was a super timid, very unsure of him self character; but time and attention has turned him into a hyper little hooligan at times. I just cant help but love him. He leaves the rodents alone, tells me when he needs to pee, and generally just follows me around on a daily basis. By far his favourite toy is his tennis ball, well to be fair he doesn’t seem to really understand how to play with any other toy- so of course I’ve stocked him up with loads of tennis balls. Although he still has access to my old dogs toys, as I just cant part with them.

I am hoping to mention he more in future posts as his training continues, but for now I thought I’d just give you a quick introduction. Anything you’d like to ask Barney?

Books

GIVEAWAY- ‘The War in the Dark’ by Nick Setchfield

I’m so excited to once again be working with Titan Books, to bring you the chance to win one of two copies of this fabulous, genre blended novel. Mixing thriller, with fantasy, woven together in a historical fiction setting. This is a book that you really do want to get your hands, and what better way than through a free giveaway.

Now if you haven’t been following the blog tour for this fabulous book, then that’s a good place to start to convince you that you really do need a copy of this. This tour has been filled with some amazing bloggers, and some really worthwhile content all about this book.

war in the darkEurope. 1963. And the true Cold War is fought on the borders of this world, at the edges of the light.
 
When the assassination of a traitor trading with the enemy goes terribly wrong, British Intelligence agent Christopher Winter must flee London. In a tense alliance with a lethal, mysterious woman named Karina Lazarov, he’s caught in a quest for hidden knowledge from centuries before, an occult secret written in the language of fire. A secret that will give supremacy to the nation that possesses it.
 
Racing against the Russians, the chase takes them from the demon-haunted Hungarian border to treasure-laden tunnels beneath Berlin, from an impossible house in Vienna to a bomb-blasted ruin in Bavaria where something unholy waits, born of the power of white fire and black glass . .

Have I convinced you yet? Well then I should tell you how to enter, its very simple really. There is two ways this time around. You can either comment on this blog post with your email address so I can contact you if you win; or if you aren’t comfortable with that, then you can follow me on Twitter and RT my pinned post.

This competition closes at midnight on Wednesday the first of August, winners will be announced and messaged on the Thursday. Everyone is open to enter, International okay.

Good luck to all..

Health

Can’t win with the weather

As many will know, England has been hit with one huge heat wave, one probably hotter than I have ever experienced in my lifetime. With temperatures of up to 30oC, a lot of people, especially young people are out enjoying the sun. Be that sitting in beer gardens, having BBQs, and laying out trying to catch a bit of colour. But for me, this heat just means a flare up of symptoms; although this is also the same for the cold. Two different conditions, flare up in two different weather conditions.

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Ive talked a few times on this blog about my struggle with both Fibromyalgia and Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (ME); both of which are conditions that vary in level of severity because of a range triggers. One of my biggest triggers for both is the weather.DSC_0010

In the winter when it is cold, this sets my Fibro off, so that both my legs feel like dead weights, and all of my joints go stiff and painful. I have had so many tests for this to see if there was something else going on, but it appears to the doctors that it really is just Fibro, Im just unlucky that it is so effected by the weather. What also doesn’t help is that I cant get out as much in the cold, partly because of those symptoms, which in turn weakens my muscles and makes me stiff and achy.

Oppositely when the weather gets warmer in the summer, my Fibro settles down a touch, and my ME flares up. The hot weather has me exhausted, wobbly, weak and generally very unstable on my feet. This can lead to me falling, dropping things and can also lead to me passing out while doing normal tasks. Its basically like the normal fatigue that people suffer from the heat, but extreme version. Plus like before, the then inability to move around much, can cause the Fibro to make me stiff and achy. Not to mention that if I sit on a too solid seat, then my hip and back just get ridiculouDSC_0012s on the pain scale.

So yes, it is basically a very vicious circle, especially when you think that any sudden temperature changes also cause the Fibro to flare. I think only the Spring is a season that doesn’t cause me to flare too badly one way or another. As the title says; I just cant win with the weather.

Any other chronic illness sufferers find the weather can make things harder?

Lifestyle

Pick’n’Melt – the pick and mix for wax melts..

I have been a big fanatic of candles for many years now, mostly in the form of Yankee candles. Recently though, I have started to prefer wax melts to actual candles, they just give so much of a better smell and I just think they look so pretty. Before finding Pick’n’Melt, I had only ever used the Yankee Wax Melt Tarts, but I find them frustrating as I have to break off an amount and then try not to let the rest crumble all of the place. Not to mention the price.


From twitter, I had seen Pick’n’Melt offered a wide range of different scents so this sparked my interest in having a look at their range. I was pleased to find that not only do they have 350, yes three hundred and fifty, didn’t scents to choose from, but that you can make your own selection to get the perfect mix of scents.

Personally, each of the melts were about one usage for me, as I had them alight for the entire day (about 8 hours) at a time. This is perfect for me as I like to mix it up, something different each day so that I constantly appreciate it. They were super easy to just pop out and put in the melting device, and then after the smell had finished, I could scope up the solidified wax just using a spoon.

I ordered, Sandalwood, Raspberry, Cola Cubes, Tobacco and Black Coffee. I loved each and every one. Sandalwood was by far my favourite, it honestly smelt just like my Granddad who I miss dearly, the smell was so comforting. It had me so content to just snuggle up with a blanket and my book. The raspberry and colour cubes, I found were perfect scents for me to work on the blog. Sweet fresh smells just have me very focused for some reason, definitely think I need to test out some more.

The Tobacco and black coffee I had alight while I was not very well, and it again was such a comforting smell, like being in a coffee shop and the cigars my partner smokes. But I do have to admit this is the only one that didn’t smell like it was meant to before burning, however as soon as I had a tealight under it, it was exactly like you’d imagine.

This is not a sponsored post, I have written this just off of my own love of their products. I have had to hold off of a new order because of moving, but I will be doing an order as soon as Ive moved (probably before this goes out), and will then give you a review of what thought on those scents.

Why not go and check out their range for yourself, I’m pretty certain there’s something there for everyone.

Books

A Baby’s Bones by Rebecca Alexander

For some reason lately, I have just been adoring thriller novels, which is odd for me in this time of year. That’s why I thought I’d pick up A Baby’s Bones, that combined historical fiction with a thriller plot. This book in short, was a gripping quick read that was really enjoyable. The two plots were equal, without one being favoured and generally was a well rounded book- which I find unusual for two different time periods. However the ending let it down for me a little.

I would just like to thank Titan Books and Rebecca Alexander herself, for sending me a copy to review, I always appreciate getting the opportunity to read and review books and help promote.

Archaeologist Sage Westfield has been called in to excavate a sixteenth-century well, and expects to find little more than soil and the odd piece of pottery. But the disturbing discovery of the bones of a woman and newborn baby make it clear that she has stumbled onto an historical crime scene, one that is interwoven with an unsettling local legend of witchcraft and unrequited love. Yet there is more to the case than a four-hundred-year-old mystery. The owners of a nearby cottage are convinced that it is haunted, and the local vicar is being plagued with abusive phone calls. Then a tragic death makes it all too clear that a modern murderer is at work.. (from Goodreads)

I adored Sage’s character in this novel, I found her to be so down to earth and slightly flawed that it made her appear realistic and relatable. Personally, I found myself having a sympathy for her and her situation, between the knowing what was right and the longing of the heart. When I was younger I wanted to be an archaeologist for a while, so her work in that field was really interesting to me; and of course I love my history. 

Normally in a joint split plot like this one, with the two stories running together, I find myself skimming one in order to prioritise the other; but this one I found equal enjoyable. Neither of them stood out more than the other to me, and was constantly engaged and wanting to keep reading. I read this book in just two sitting, and if life hadn’t got in the way, it was one of those books I could of read in just one sitting, it was really that good.

The only one downside for me was that I had guessed the culprit to the modern day murder. I pretty much could tell after only a quarter of the book, and although it was still interesting to see how it came about, it was a bit disappointing that I had guessed it. But to be fair that isn’t too big a deal, as the book as a whole is still very enjoyable.

I would personally say, as a psychosis sufferer myself, that it may not be the best book to read if you are a chronic sufferer, as there was a scene that could possibly trigger.

Overall this book was a good solid four star read, and definitely one for any thriller or historical fiction fans out there.

Health

Why I’m back on full time anxiety meds

Normally in the mental health blogging world we focus on getting off of medication and learning to deal with your conditions. There is nothing wrong with this, and I completely agree that that is the long term aim for almost anyone with a mental illness. However for me, learning to cope with multiple health issues both mental and physical, sometimes is just managing damage control. For me right now, that’s the phase we are in, damage control, and that means taking a little step back and going back on medication. img_0341-3
Lately Ive had a lot going on, with my psych reassessment coming up, an ME flare up, as well as having to prepare to move again. This all is a lot for anyone to handle, especially while Ive been trying to continue with both the blog and my Creative Writing course, and for someone with depression and anxiety it just all became a bit too much. It took a little while, but I did decide that I needed to go back and get professional help for my mental wellbeing.DSC_0018

I had got to a point where I was having panic attacks again. Not just the odd one, but several each and every day, and mostly over ridiculous things, if there was a trigger at all. Sometimes, I would just be sitting there watching TV or reading my book and all of a sudden my vision would shrink and I wouldn’t be able to catch my breath. From there its a downward spiral.

Going back to the psych doctors was a bit nerve racking as I am currently waiting on a reassessment as they think they may have my diagnosis wrong, but I needed to as the anxiety was just taking control of my life. Ultimately I’m glad that I did, as I have now DSC_0049been put back on my anxiety meds that I came off of a few years ago.

This may seem like a step backwards but ultimately its got me in control of my life again- well as much as I can be. I’m only having about one panic attack a day, and they are always for an obvious purpose. I’m lucky that I don’t get side effects from my medication, so its really only a benefit for me. Over time, Ive learnt that I don’t need to be ashamed of taking this little step backwards, as ultimately its going to help me to work forwards and continue to improve.

Should never be afraid to ask for help when you realise you need it, as it can help you from falling backwards.

Books

The Mermaid by Christina Henry

Over the last few years, Christina Henry has found her way to becoming one of my favourite authors; I wait each year in anticipation for her novels and their spooky fairytale vibes. The Mermaid, which I believed was a Little Mermaid retelling was no different. Although this was very different to my expectations, it was never the less, another amazing novel.

I just want to thank Titan Books and Christina Henry for sending me a copy to review, it is always very much appreciated, especially when its a book I am so excited for.

Once there was a mermaid who longed to know of more than her ocean home and her people. One day a fisherman trapped her in his net but couldn’t bear to keep her. But his eyes were lonely and caught her more surely than the net, and so she evoked a magic that allowed her to walk upon the shore. The mermaid, Amelia, became his wife, and they lived on a cliff above the ocean for ever so many years, until one day the fisherman rowed out to sea and did not return.

P. T. Barnum was looking for marvelous attractions for his American Museum, and he’d heard a rumor of a mermaid who lived on a cliff by the sea. He wanted to make his fortune, and an attraction like Amelia was just the ticket.

Amelia agreed to play the mermaid for Barnum, and she believes she can leave any time she likes. But Barnum has never given up a money-making scheme in his life, and he’s determined to hold on to his mermaid. (from Goodreads)

The thing I love about Christina Henry’s novels are the fact that the take some of my absolute favourite fairytales as a child, and twists them to show the spooky scary side of what could of happened. I always find I have to read her books in the day time with all the lights on and my dog snuggled at my feet; but I absolutely love it. This one was not quite like that.

I started this in the afternoon, prepared that I would probably struggle to sleep that night, but instead of scary this one had more of a morality vibe to it. Do not get me wrong, I still absolutely loved it, and finished this book in less than 24 hours, which is a record for me. It had me thinking about the classification of what we count as human, the treatment of animals and also of those that are unique. Admittedly this was more a thing in the past, but I definitely feel like there was something to be taken from this

Amelia was a character that you just found your heart reaching out too. She’d gone through such heartache, and knew that it was bound to happen again, I can appreciate this feeling. Having to decide what was worse, denying herself what her heart wanted, or knowing that it would all come apart in the end; I felt so sorry her, and wanted everything to be okay.

Im not too sure whether I would say it was closely linked to the Little Mermaid if Im honest, but you can definitely see the influence. Though then again I am only going from the Disney movie as I have not actually ever read the book- yes that is something I need to fix.

In the end, I gave this novel a four star rating. There was nothing wrong with it, I just didn’t love it as much as I have her previous novels, but this will be because I was expecting something different. I think I may need to reread it at some point. This novel is now available in the UK.

Books

June Wrap UP

You have got to love the month after you have defeated your reading slump; to be able to pick up a book that you are look forward to reading and know confidently that you will be able to stick with it. That has been my month. Admittedly, this month has been a busy one with a trip and what not, but I have also not been too well therefore giving me plenty of resting reading time. I have tried to make the most of it without pushing it too much- last thing I want is to knock myself back into the slump. So this is what I read this month.img_0773.jpg
The first book I finished was The Hazel Wood, and was an amazing start to the month. I loved this book giving it a full four and a half stars, with a fantastical creepy vibe, and a rather unique story in my opinion. This was a great book to read coming out of a reading slump as wasn’t too much information to take in while still very interesting and fast paced.

Only Human was my next read, which was one of my most anticipated books of the year, and it did not disappoint, being a five star read. This series was just amazing and Im not normally a Science fiction fan! I am actually a little sad that this is now over, but I have not given up hope that there may be more books in the universe at some point.

One of my most anticipated books of the year is always Christina Henry’s latest fairytale novel, and The Mermaid was just the same. Although this one was not as spooky as the rest of her beloved novels, I definitely felt like this one had more of a moral understanding to it. This was a four star read for me, there wasn’t anything wrong with it, it just lacked the hide under the blanket spookiness that I have grown to love from her books.

I have been doing so good this month, I then finished a book that has been on my shelves ever since the day it came out, and I have always been too daunted to pick up; and that is The True Queen by Alison Weir. This is the first in her Six Queens series, and I have been meaning to jump into it for the longest time. I love everything that Alison Weir writes, and this was no exception.img_0771.jpg

Following on from my thriller kick of last month, I picked up A Baby’s Bones by Rebecca Alexander. This book, following two different parallel stories, in two different time periods, for once didn’t have me split. I found that I enjoyed both the stories and was excited for both equally, well until the end where I found the modern day story to be very predictable and unsatisfying. Though it was still a really good read and a solid four stars.

My final book of the month was Siege and Storm by Leigh Bardugo. I now own both Six of Crows and Crooked kingdom, so I’m trying to get through the Grisha series first. Last year I read Shadow and Bone and absolutely loved it, Siege and Storm wasn’t quite as good to begin with, but did then really pick up and I feel it has prepared me for the final book. I gave this 3.5 stars.img_0772.jpg

So that’s what I read in June, a much better reading month than what I have had lately. What did you read this month?