My Experience- Psych Reassessment

Its no secret that I have been under a psych team for over three and a half years now, but have had mental health issues for most of my life. From anxiety as a child, paranoia, and then the psychotic symptoms in my teens, depression in my 20s, its been a constant issue in my life, but one I have worked hard to control.

During my time under the psych team, Ive been labelled with the diagnosis of Schizophrenia. On this blog I have written about it many times, its a diagnosis that has always made sense to me to some degree. No it was never easy to accept, or to be completely open about, but it ticked the box for helping me understand what was happening to me.DSC_0041

However after such a long time in treatment I really should of been seeing an improvement, and I just never did. So at my last routine appointment they suggested that I saw a completely different doctor and had a full reassessment. This sounded like a great idea, as my symptoms have changed slightly over time as well.

So me and my Dad went to this reassessment at the beginning of July. The new doctor was really friendly, allowed my Dad into the appointment which is against the norm; however he did not understand my mutism. I nearly always go mute when I’m around new people, its something I have struggled with for most of my life. Some people say its because I’m shy, some see it as rude; but its actually an involuntary response to my voices that spike around unknown people.DSC_0010

Eventually I managed to get around it, when this happens I can answer basic questions or talk about subjects I know about, so it works for appointments. We spent a good hour discussing my life basically. From childhood, school, relationships, and family; we discussed it all.

By the end of the conversation and in turn the appointment, he was really rather stumped.

The conclusion was that I do not have one specific diagnosis, I have a combination of many. I have aspects of schizophrenia, aspects of OCD, aspect of EUPD, along with depression and severe anxiety.DSC_0051
Moving forward, I’m going to stay on my anxiety, depression and psychosis medication, but now I am going to try a mixture of CBT and psychotherapy. In my doctors words, I have very complicated and delicate mental health; ultimately I may never get over it, I may never work a ‘normal’ job, or be able to socialise with new people. But time will tell, and I will be sharing my thoughts when my therapy is moving forwards.

Have you ever had either of these treatments? I’d love to hear about your experiences.


Can’t win with the weather

As many will know, England has been hit with one huge heat wave, one probably hotter than I have ever experienced in my lifetime. With temperatures of up to 30oC, a lot of people, especially young people are out enjoying the sun. Be that sitting in beer gardens, having BBQs, and laying out trying to catch a bit of colour. But for me, this heat just means a flare up of symptoms; although this is also the same for the cold. Two different conditions, flare up in two different weather conditions.

Ive talked a few times on this blog about my struggle with both Fibromyalgia and Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (ME); both of which are conditions that vary in level of severity because of a range triggers. One of my biggest triggers for both is the weather.DSC_0010

In the winter when it is cold, this sets my Fibro off, so that both my legs feel like dead weights, and all of my joints go stiff and painful. I have had so many tests for this to see if there was something else going on, but it appears to the doctors that it really is just Fibro, Im just unlucky that it is so effected by the weather. What also doesn’t help is that I cant get out as much in the cold, partly because of those symptoms, which in turn weakens my muscles and makes me stiff and achy.

Oppositely when the weather gets warmer in the summer, my Fibro settles down a touch, and my ME flares up. The hot weather has me exhausted, wobbly, weak and generally very unstable on my feet. This can lead to me falling, dropping things and can also lead to me passing out while doing normal tasks. Its basically like the normal fatigue that people suffer from the heat, but extreme version. Plus like before, the then inability to move around much, can cause the Fibro to make me stiff and achy. Not to mention that if I sit on a too solid seat, then my hip and back just get ridiculouDSC_0012s on the pain scale.

So yes, it is basically a very vicious circle, especially when you think that any sudden temperature changes also cause the Fibro to flare. I think only the Spring is a season that doesn’t cause me to flare too badly one way or another. As the title says; I just cant win with the weather.

Any other chronic illness sufferers find the weather can make things harder?


Why I’m back on full time anxiety meds

Normally in the mental health blogging world we focus on getting off of medication and learning to deal with your conditions. There is nothing wrong with this, and I completely agree that that is the long term aim for almost anyone with a mental illness. However for me, learning to cope with multiple health issues both mental and physical, sometimes is just managing damage control. For me right now, that’s the phase we are in, damage control, and that means taking a little step back and going back on medication. img_0341-3
Lately Ive had a lot going on, with my psych reassessment coming up, an ME flare up, as well as having to prepare to move again. This all is a lot for anyone to handle, especially while Ive been trying to continue with both the blog and my Creative Writing course, and for someone with depression and anxiety it just all became a bit too much. It took a little while, but I did decide that I needed to go back and get professional help for my mental wellbeing.DSC_0018

I had got to a point where I was having panic attacks again. Not just the odd one, but several each and every day, and mostly over ridiculous things, if there was a trigger at all. Sometimes, I would just be sitting there watching TV or reading my book and all of a sudden my vision would shrink and I wouldn’t be able to catch my breath. From there its a downward spiral.

Going back to the psych doctors was a bit nerve racking as I am currently waiting on a reassessment as they think they may have my diagnosis wrong, but I needed to as the anxiety was just taking control of my life. Ultimately I’m glad that I did, as I have now DSC_0049been put back on my anxiety meds that I came off of a few years ago.

This may seem like a step backwards but ultimately its got me in control of my life again- well as much as I can be. I’m only having about one panic attack a day, and they are always for an obvious purpose. I’m lucky that I don’t get side effects from my medication, so its really only a benefit for me. Over time, Ive learnt that I don’t need to be ashamed of taking this little step backwards, as ultimately its going to help me to work forwards and continue to improve.

Should never be afraid to ask for help when you realise you need it, as it can help you from falling backwards.


Bed Rest Diaries #2 Part 3

When you’ve been on bed rest for so long that your diary ends up going into three parts. Either these will be super popular, or you’ll all be really bored, but personally I find them super fun and interesting to write so I’m going to continue. Hopefully, with my final three days on bed rest, I’ll start to feel a bit better and be a bit more interesting. img_0341-3
Continue reading “Bed Rest Diaries #2 Part 3”


Bed Rest Diaries #2 Part 2

To be honest, I was not planning on having two parts to this diary, Id been hoping to just keep it to the one. But as I have now been put on an extra five days of antibiotics and bed rest, I thought I might as well split it in two to stop it getting too long. So right now its Sunday, and with the extra five days, its not until Thursday that I will be back up and running. Lets see what I get up to in that time, and I’m praying I start to feel better soon. img_0341-3
Continue reading “Bed Rest Diaries #2 Part 2”


Bed Rest Diaries #2 Part 1

Well its been five months since I was last told to go on bed rest so I should really be happy about it, but it is still so annoying.  After having a cold for a week, and doing all I could to try and get rid of that, I have ended up with a bad case of bronchitis. The plan for the next week therefore is a strong dose of antibiotics and a week of bed rest; and that can only mean another bed rest diaries edition.img_0341-3 Continue reading “Bed Rest Diaries #2 Part 1”


My break of routine…

From this title, you would probably think that this was a thought out decision, but it was anything but. I had finally fallen into a good little routine of posting twice a week, getting myself ahead by about a month so that I didn’t have to worry and all my posts were planned out and scheduled in advance. This was working so well, it meant that I was really enjoying blogging again as this eliminated the stress of trying to get posts ready for each Monday and Thursday. But as you have probably noticed, this past month, I lost hold of this routine.

img_0341-3 Continue reading “My break of routine…”